Sulking, stubbornness and seeing yourself

Stubborn, sulky, dramatic. These are all words people have used to describe me.  I didn't think I could grow, or that I needed to, until I met someone who challenged me, while loving and accepting me.

Seeing myself through someone else's eyes 

I'd never truly looked at myself and my actions objectively until I met Larry. I was used to getting my own way and I could sulk for days when I didn't get what I wanted. Not a pretty trait to admit to, I agree. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a bad person. I'm just a stubborn one, and I didn't have a reason to grow or change.

It's hard when you're proud to examine your own behaviour and ask if you're being the best version of yourself, or whether there's room to grow. Especially when someone aggravates you, or does something you don't agree with, or just downright pisses you off. Or when you secretly know you're wrong, but you keep doing the wrong thing anyway, because you don't want to lose face or look silly.

Really falling for someone increased my capacity for change and growth. Because I love Larry so much, no matter how frustrated with him I am or how difficult it is to understand what he means sometimes ('ballin' is not a saying that computes with me), I have to see the real truth in situations, not just my perception of it.  I need to understand him, how I behave and how that impacts on him.

The hardest part was accepting my own responsibility to admit fault when I am wrong, and learning how to stop doing things that upset him, becoming consciously aware of and stopping things like talking over him when I am mad, or saying that the 8 bit soundtrack to Minecraft gets repetitive after it's been played every night of the week while we cook dinner. Do doooo ddoooo dooo beep beep.

Things I've learnt to do since being with Larry:

Expand my horizons. I have a very clear comfort zone, and I like to stay in it. But Larry loves learning new things and discovering new things, which I adore about him. He has helped me to expand my horizons.

For instance, Larry likes emo music. The kind that sounds like someone stepped on a child's toe and made them jump back, landing on a cat's tail that then started to meow while a person frantically stums a guitar to a tune that sounds like all the other tunes that the emo people are writing, about sadness and bad girlfriends and why they can't get that exact shade of black nail varnish that matches their boy eyeliner.

Larry opened my eyes to the fact that not all emo music is designed to make sweaty teenagers have sex with each other or provide a vent for their feelings about there being no more Twilight movies. There is some emo music I will listen to now. He also showed me anime soundtracks, classical music and bands that I'd never heard before.

I also now know how to say 'I love you' in Japanese, and I have tasted pulled pork. There are so many more ways Larry has helped me to learn more about the world, I know we will continue to teach and guide each other forever.


Stop assuming I'm always right. When I'm in an argument, I assume I'm the one that's in the right. I can argue my corner for hours, pausing while the other person speaks just to try and pick holes in what they are saying and build a stronger case. But when I saw how this impacted on Larry, I learned to understand that wasn't ok, and that actually, if you're wrong, it's better to admit it quickly - like ripping off a plaster. It hurts to realise you aren't in the right, but it hurts the person having to tell you that more. Now I ask before I assume, and listen when people respond, taking time to assess what they are saying before I respond.

Stop talking over people when I am mad. I find it really difficult to listen when someone says something that hurts me. I want to shut them off before they can finish, to minimise the hurt. This was one of the hardest things I had to learn how to do, stand still and listen and wait for the person to finish, even when what they were saying caused me pain. What made me change this about myself was realising that Larry wasn't saying things to hurt me, and didn't realise that they hurt me. Then, it puts things in a different perspective if no one is out to get you, and the person you are arguing with is actually on your side.


A year ago, I wasn't my best. Now I'm still far from perfect, but I  will be calmer, kinder, more reasonable, and I have gone from not eating spicy food to putting Tabasco on everything. It just goes to show what finding the right person can do.